Valentine’s Special

Good Morning Everyone,

Since February 14th is Valentine’s day in the USA and a few other European countries I figured it might be an appropriate time to talk about my relationship status. Before I tell my story a quick history lesson.

Saint Valentine was a christian priest who conducted secret weddings for roman soldiers in a time when it was forbidden for them to have wives. But the secret eventually came to the wrong person and he was then caught and executed. The tradition of sending Valentine’s cards comes from how before he was executed he signed his final letter “your Valentine.” Now that we have that history lesson taken care of, back to telling you my story.

I wasn’t all over social media posting updates about that part of my life because I want some privacy. The news is that I got engaged to my girlfriend on October 6th of 2022. Because of my desire to keep things private on her end I won’t be giving any names and be keeping details to the barest minimum as I tell the story of our relationship.

The Story Of How We Met

We first met in 2014 via the chapel youth group and we did most of our hanging out together there but we weren’t really close friends. We just knew each other and met on a weekly basis at the youth group. It wasn’t until her family moved away to Hawaii that we became close friends through emails and then when we realized we both had Skype it became regular meetings once a week. That lasted for several years from 2014 until we reunited again in 2019 when we were no longer several time zones and an ocean away from each other. 

Her family had moved from Hawaii to North Carolina which made me realize that a quick weekend trip was completely doable. The reason for the trip? How to Train Your Dragon 3 was coming out in theaters and I had the idea to ask if she would be interested in us going out to watch it on opening night. I took PTO from work on Friday and took a 30 minute flight down from where I was with my family in Maryland to see her. We enjoyed the film Friday night and Saturday’s big thing that we did was an escape room. It was on the Sunday after church but before I needed to go to the airport that we had a final moment together at a café where I confessed that the feelings and emotions I had first expressed to her in 2016 were still there. Not only were they there but they had grown over the course of our friendship. Growing deeper and stronger as we talked about hobbies and life along with having discussions over biblical and theological subjects.

She was taken aback at this since one of her mentor ladies at her church in Hawaii had prophesied over her that she would meet the man she was to marry in her next place. (Just one keynote here, the phrase “to prophesy” means more to speak what God has given one to speak. It’s not just “christian fortune telling” as that idea can easily form in our minds because a lot of prophecies have told us about the future.) And low and behold, there I came bearing my heart to her. It wasn’t something she was expecting so she simply said she wasn’t certain how she felt about me and if it was like that. However that wasn’t all she had to say. She was appreciative of me and was thankful for my honesty informing me that if things change for her I would be the first to know.

We would keep our regular Skype meetings and even exchange phone numbers to be able to text and talk more easily. It was in 2021 that we became an official couple after she entered a questions stage and her mother helped her to see things from all the different angles. It was at that time where she realized how much she cared for me and on April 2nd 2021 she asked during our Skype call if my emotions for her were still the same because she’d realized that she had them for me. We spent the next week fasting and praying over how to move forward and on April the 11th that we decided to be an official couple.

At that time her family was living in Tennessee and the plan was for me to move down in the summer of 2022. But things at work changed and after praying about how to move forward I felt God giving me the green light to move down in January of 2022. By God’s grace I had a new job by the end of February and had found myself an apartment by the end of March. God was with me in all of this but that’s only because I applied the wisdom of Solomon from Proverbs 3:5-8.

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight. Do not be wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord and shun evil. This will bring health to your body and nourishment to your bones.” 

(Proverbs 3:5-8 NIV)

The time between my first trip to visit her in 2019 and then moving down in 2022 had been a time of great change for me. I was getting used to living in the USA after 7 years of living in Germany. I was also overcoming many old emotional/spiritual wounds that hadn’t been properly healed yet and He wanted me to cut the emotional ties to them. It was also the time where God was showing how He wanted me to pursue this “writing thing” as I was thinking of it at the time. I did not expect it to grow into what it is now; a blog, writing a book, making a ministry website, and starting a podcast that runs in tandem with all of the blogs. There are so many things that God will do which we don’t expect and it will only come when we surrender ourselves to Him in surrender. That segment from Proverbs is summed up in one word, humility. Humility and what happens when we are humble before God. Before we finish today I have two final thoughts that I’d like to share.

To the Love Birds

For you couples who are listening to this I just want to emphasize the importance of open communication in your relationship along with the need to give grace to each other. It won’t be easy but it’s important for the purpose of understanding the other person you are with. This goes beyond just romantic relationships applying to all relationships, friendships and professional ones. 

If you need to express yourself tell them and even preface it with letting them know you are still working to best figure out how to word it. When you listen it’s important to give them grace and seek to understand what they are saying beyond the actual words they are using. In the same way you would like them to listen to you listen to them.

Now for us guys one thing that we need to do when we are listening to our girlfriend, fiancé, or wife is ask what they want. Do they need an emotional vent to help them stabilize or do they want help in solving the situation. This is something that I have heard from many sources and have experienced first hand.

Circling us back around to the importance of grace for each other and a willingness to learn about the other person so that you can work better together. Our similarities draw us together and our differences are complimentary filling in the skill gaps that we have. Finally, love is more than just an emotion but a choice in the way we live and treat others.

For You Single Souls

Like I said earlier, during the time from February of 2019 to April of 2021 I had a lot of healing to go through. That all stemmed from events which shattered my ability to trust others and God as well. But as I went through several deep prayer times where I was open and laying bare my heart to God, healing began. 

One of those emotional sorrows I dealt with was the feeling of being left behind as it seemed that everyone around me was finding their significant other all at once. One source for salt in the wound was my brother getting a girlfriend a whole year before me. But now I get to brag that I got engaged before him and will most likely be married before he and his girlfriend but anywho that’s not important right now nor is a rivalry between us beneficial.

While I wanted to have a relationship God knew I wasn’t ready yet and needed to go through the process of healing and strengthening. Before He could entrust me with the woman I am engaged to He brought me through a time of maturing and growth. I’m not saying this is the same for you, what I am saying is that each step has a place and purpose and you need to learn to trust God for each part of your life. Trust is a hard thing to grow back after suffering many different burns but learning to trust Jesus again is worth it. And that also applies to those of you who are single due to a break up, divorce, or even death. Easy it will not be yet important to learn it is.

And one final thing I should mention is that there is nothing wrong with being single. The apostle Paul never married in his life but he was able to push on through his dedication to God’s will. For all of you single folks out there, remember that this is a period in life where you can dedicate more time to God compared to having an extra person in your life that requires devotion.

Until next time, Courage and Godspeed.